Mary Sue and the Hunt For What She Was Not
by Captain Relevance
Summary: As a new student at Hogwarts, 16-year-old Mary Sue Codswallop is shocked to learn of a war going on in the school--a war between the students of Hogwarts and mind-numbing Mary Sues and Marty Stus.


**Mary Sue and the Hunt For What She Was Not**

**Chapter One**

Mary Sue walked through the halls of Hogwarts. They were dark, barely lit up by the lanterns that hung from the walls. She wished that she hadn't transferred from Beauxbatons. She had been the only British girl there and was an outcast from the start. Slowly, she had picked up on learning French wizardry. But by the time her parents realized that she was _once_ miserable, they pulled her out of Beauxbatons and sent her to Hogwarts. All eyes would be on her, as well. She was being sorted in the middle of December for her sixth year. There was no doubt that everyone would jeer at her and avoid her. She just hoped that some people would be nice to her.

Mary Sue waited outside of the Great Hall where an elderly woman came to meet her. The woman, who was dressed in long burgundy robes, shook her hand and smiled at the young girl. "Hello, Miss Codswallop. I'm sure you're ready to be Sorted?"

Mary Sue smiled back at her. "As ready as I could be," she replied, nervously.

"Oh, excellent," the elderly woman exclaimed. "I'm Professor McGonagall, by the way. I'll be your Transfigurations teacher. But, of course, I'm sure you're already quite good at Transfigurations?"

"Not really," the 16-year-old girl laughed. "I'm not a very good witch. I just hope to improve by my seventh year." She put a small strand of her mousy brown hair (that was tied into a long braid down her back) behind her ear.

"Hm," Professor McGonagall grunted. "Very well, if you'll follow me into the Great Hall."

The woman pushed open the large golden doors to reveal a long hallway where students sat eating dinner. At the opening of the doors, all eyes were on the two females who stood at the entrance. Professor McGonagall walked briskly down the long hall part of it, and Mary Sue jogged to keep up with her.

"You didn't say how many students there would be," Mary Sue breathed.

"You didn't ask."

At the top of a few steps was a stool, pleasantly located in front of a long table with teachers. An old man sat in the center. That was Dumbledore, of course. He had made sure that she would be situated just like every new student was. Of course, that was before she had realized that she would be on display in front of the entire school.

Dumbledore stood up and tapped on the rim of his class with a spoon. "Attention," he beckoned. There had been no need to call order, because everyone was already silently staring at Mary Sue. "We have a new student who is being Sorted. I would appreciate if you would all show respect toward Mary Sue Codswallop."

She could hear titters from each table. _Lovely_, she thought, _I've spent three bloody minutes here and already I'm a joke_.

Suddenly, Professor McGonagall sat her down on the stool and shoved a pointed hat on her head.

"Funny…" said the hat.

"What's funny?" Mary Sue asked it. "The fact that you can talk?"

The hat scoffed. "Oh yes, Miss Codswallop. I'm amused I can talk. No… it's just that… you are almost as complicated in your mind as young Harry Potter."

"Brilliant."

"But… of course, I don't want you to think I'm just going to read your mind," the hat replied. "There's not much to your rather complex mind, actually. It's like a puzzle. A bit of cleverness, mostly logic… you aren't a very good worker… bravery doesn't quite favor you, nor a burst of power. I don't think you belong in a house at all."

Mary Sue chuckled. "Just my luck. I've always wanted to be an outcast like that."

"An outcast?" the hat snapped. "Oh lovely. And d'you plan on dumping your angst on a poor hat without legs such as myself?"

McGonagall gave a fierce stare at the hat for saying that, causing the hat to speak quickly. "You seem to lack any kind of obvious qualities… so I might as well just put you in with all the other misfits. GRYFFINDOR!"

There were scattered applause as Mary Sue hopped off of the stool and walked down to what seem to be the Gryffindor table. The young people's cloaks and uniforms were dabbled with red and gold, as she hoped hers would be when she received it the next morning. Mary Sue made her way to where a few other 6th years sat, almost scowling at her. One looked particularly furious with her. She was a prefect, according to her badge, and sported long, bushy brown hair. The girl was probably very pretty when she wasn't glaring at someone.

"I'm sorry," Mary Sue said to the girl, "but do you have a problem with my being Sorted into your house?"

"Perfectly polite," the girl replied, ignoring Mary Sue's question, "of course! Always into Gryffindor!"

A redheaded boy next to the angry girl smiled at the new girl and stretched out his hand across the table. "I seriously doubt she has any reason to be angry at you. The name's Ron Weasley. Welcome to Gryffindor; sit on down!"

Mary Sue grinned back and sat down next to a black haired boy with glasses. "Harry Potter, I presume?" she inquired.

He nodded, silently.

"And so what's your life story?" the bushy haired girl snapped. "Have your beloved parents been killed by Death Eaters?"

Mary Sue looked at her skeptically. "No, they're alive and living in France."

"Mmph," she responded. "And I'm sure you have a gorgeous twin sister that bangs guys who you consider your friends?"

"No…" the new girl laughed. "I've got an older brother working in Russia for their Ministry. He's an assistant to the Minister and we get along great."

"See?" Ron protested. "She's not one of them! Are you happy? We could be off having a lovely conversation about something more important, like this treacle, but that's you, Hermione! You had to interrogate the new girl!"

The other girl, who was now fuming, gave an equally evil glare at Ron. "I'm sorry, Ron," she retorted. "But I don't believe that it's _my_ fault that every other person who's been Sorted throughout the year has been one!"

"One _what_?" Mary Sue asked, above the dull roar.

"A Mary Sue," answered Harry Potter.

"A _what_? Are you saying that there's more than one Mary Sue at this school?"

"More than one!" Hermione scoffed. "There's at least twenty! We're catching more and more every day!"

"Catching them?" Mary Sue was so confused. It was her first day and she had no idea what anyone was talking about. This would be horrible if she continued to be as confused as she was at the moment. Who were this people talking about? More Mary Sues?

Harry looked around. "Maybe this isn't the best place to be discussing this," he murmured to the others.

"Discuss what, Harry?" asked a sudden, very high-pitched voice. A beautiful girl with long blonde tresses and bright blue eyes (nicely accompanied by long eyelashes) came over and sat down on Harry. Harry didn't look to overly pleased about this girl on his lap. Looking around the table, the blonde girl spotted Mary Sue. "Oh!" she giggled. "You must be the _new_ girl. I'm Pellaena. But you can call me Pell. _Everyone_ calls me Pell. Don't you just love the name?"

Mary Sue stared into the bright blue eyes of the very thin girl. "Your name is _Pellaena_?"

"Yes…" she replied, slowly. "Why? What's wrong with my name?"

"Wait, your _name_ is Pellaena?"

"You can call me Pell."

Harry pushed the blonde girl off of his lap and stood up. "C'mon," he muttered to the others, "let's just get back to the Common Room."

"Ooh!" Pell exclaimed. "The Common Room! Can I come?"

"No," Hermione answered, "we'd rather you not tag along for once. Mary Sue, why don't we show you to your Common Room. I'm sure you'd like to see what Hogwarts is like."

Mary Sue looked around at the eager faces. "Certainly," she replied, with a grin, "I'd love to."


End file.
